Yay, I got engaged on Xmas morning! It was very sweet and very special and the luster of the ring has not lost it's shine, but the glow of being newly engaged has been trampled, spit on, and kicked to the ground. Yes, that's totally dramatic, but it's really how I feel sometimes.
I've had mini panic attacks on the sticker shock of how much things cost, H and I fight before every site visit as well as a couple times in between, several nights of online research going to 3 in the morning, papers and notes are scattered everywhere about vendors...and it's been only 3 weeks! I thought this was supposed to be fun...well, I'm not having fun yet!!
I think a lot of my anxiety and frustration stems from the sticker price of a wedding. In 2004, I was living in San Francisco and making about $30K-$35K a year, and I put away $100 every month to start my 'rainy day' fund. At least that's what I told brain, but my heart knew it was more like a wedding fund. Since my first job at 16, I stopped asking my parents for money (except for college tuition) and so I never expected them to pay for my wedding. Don't get me wrong, when they offered to buy me a car (used), or offered to help with a down payment on my condo (for low-income people) I gladly excepted with open arms and a smile. I'm not stupid and refuse money, I just don't ask for it.
As the years passed, and as I made more money my monthly savings increased. And when I met H, I was able to put even more money away since it wasn't just me saving, but both of us. But I still remember how hard it was to put away a paltry $100 away every month 8 years ago and I need to let that go. I need to let go of the fact that I've been saving for 8 years and it will all be spent for 1 day. I need to accept what I want for my wedding and how much it's going to cost. I need to let go that it's not necessarily being fiscally irresponsible. Or is it? I constantly cut corners in order to save money...is it okay for me now to spend a lot on myself?
The average cost of a wedding in SF go anywhere from $25K - $50K with a guest list of 100-180. That's AVERAGE! What the eff. Seriously...average? I'm so average that I'm right in the middle, and it's still causing me anxiety to think of it.
I cried a little on H's lap last night, we talked about budgets and our vision for what we want in our wedding, and he fed me some sugar free red vines and make me feel better. I know that the budget isn't going to change, it's my attitude and outlook of what kind of experience I want to have that can change.
My hope was that our budget was $30K with 150 people. But realistically, I thought it was going to be $35K with 125 people. Neither of these scenarios are going to happen...so I'll be tracking the real cost of how much it takes to plan a wedding in SF down to the penny. Even the cost of gas to visit these places.
